I expected a lot for my college experience, and I mean a lot. I expected a college experience that would radically and positively and easily take me in me from the minute I stepped on campus. I expected an abundance of friends within the first week that would stick by my side until the end of these next four years. I expected classes to be a breeze. I could go on and on. I expected a lot. But here’s the deal, I anticipated a college experience that I so greatly desired, not once thinking about how Christ may have had altered plans for me.
College is not easy. No one likes to talk about it, but it is not. It is a whole new way of living: you are away from home, away from your friends, away from anything that, honestly, brings you comfort. There are pockets of loneliness in some days that no one seems to address: times where all you want to do is sit in your bed away from everything and sleep. There are times where all you want to do is cry even if you don’t know why, and sometimes you just do. College was hard for me because nothing was going as expected. I didn’t conform to my sorority at the drop of a hat, I didn’t, and still don’t, have a large group of friends around me, and school, well, school is hard. You see, when I didn’t experience what I thought I should have, it hurt. It hurt really, really bad. I felt confused and slightly ignored by God. How could my experience be so polar opposite than those around me? How could it be so hard to find my friends, something that normally came easily for me? How could things be so radically different than I thought they would be?
Well here’s why: I walked into college with expectations I had for myself, not thinking about the ways God may use me different than my expectations.
I specifically remember one night in just my first two weeks of college. After crying and crying and crying about how nothing was living up to what I so desired my experience to look like, I finally picked up my bible. I made the decision that night that no longer was I going to set out expectations for myself in college, I was going to rely on the Lord and the plan He had for me whether it fulfilled my expectations or not. It was no longer a college experience that I had to plan out, but one that was fully surrendered in Christ’s hand. Because at that point, there was nothing left for me to do. I had tried everything to change my experience, but it simply was not working. Only Christ had the power to transform my understanding during that time.
You see, expectations are not wrong. We all have them, it is unavoidable. However, we are human and human logic is easily fallible. We build towers and towers of plans for our life for the Lord to simply tear down those walls. By building up expectations, many times, we begin to feel a sense of failure and resentment. However, when we feel like we are being torn down, Christ is actually just simply transforming us for His will. Because here is what I have I learned: God is not a God who grants us wishes. He is not a God who answers our desires just because we ask. Rather, he is a God who knowingly orchestrates our life the way He knows is best for us. When our expectations miscarry us it may feel like failure, but it truly is not. Therefore, we must know Christ and know His eternal promise that He is present, and He is loyal. Just as Paul stated in Philippians,
“the one who began a good work in you will continue to complete it until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1: 6
So next time you feel torn and worn down by your expectations remember this: just because your expectations have failed does not mean Christ has failed you. Be patient, be steadfast, and be watchful. Christ will use you, and will continue to do so, in a greater way than you ever envisioned.
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